A Quick Update on Life and a Reason for Radio Silence

Hello all! As some of may have heard, my research proposal to the Christian Congregational Music Conference has been accepted! I am extremely happy for this opportunity, and have a busy few months of research ahead of me.

My proposal is to study the correlation between style of music (genre) performed in a given congregation during Sunday services and the position of that church on the question of Queer acceptance. The suggestion has been made that open and affirming churches perform a certain repertoire and style of music, while churches that are either open but not affirming or closed and not affirming perform another. My first question is: Is this the case? My second is: If so, why? If not, why is that the perception among some Queer identifying people? My final objective for this paper is to highlight the ways in which the theological and ethical identity of a congregation is reflected or challenged by the musics performed as normative worship. What might the implications of any conclusion drawn from this course of study be for practitioners and church leaders?

In addition to this research project, I have been given a couple of awesome opportunities to do some creative writing, and if all goes according to plan, you will be able to enjoy the fruit of my labor very soon! In any case, I will update here when more can be shared. But for now, take my word for it: it's gonna be awesome!

All of this to say, in addition to the small and insignificant task (sarcasm) of being the primary caregiver for a 1 year old, I am not going to be updating the old blog here as frequently with as much depth as I would like. I will still update it regularly, but the posts will just be shorter.

May you all be blessed with grace, peace, and faith over the coming months.

Blind Spots

I just finished reading Mark Labberton's new book Called. It is a wonderfully thoughtful and pastoral exhortation to live life in such a way as to be the gospel in an embodied way. I highly recommend it.

As I was reading it, I began thinking about the ways I do and do not live into that calling. My thoughts drifted to my church, and to my service there (and by service, I do not mean to imply that I am in charge. I simply serve there--in a volunteer capacity). My thinking turned to reflection, and I remembered a series of events from the previous year that led me to question my involvement in that community.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, I'm not going to get into any sort of detail regarding those events. I am instead going to offer the insights I gained from some of those events: what it means to belong to a community and to serve there.

I have written before about using your voice in service, and I do not want to retread too much on that topic, but as I've moved further from the time I wrote that post one thing in particular has come into sharper focus as the days have passed. That thing is humility wrapped up in confidence tied in with honesty.

Speaking your mind is a hard thing to do, especially in a big group of people who are driven and determined to accomplish something. It gets even harder when the opinion you are giving voice to is one of dissent from the prevailing attitude. This is most often because we are afraid of being alienated or labelled as "party poopers." Nobody wants the reputation of being the one who upset the jovial onrush of energy or action.

But it is important to do for two reasons. The first is obvious, and that is that it may be what others need to hear. You may have the right insight for the situation and can help steer the ship in a more healthy direction. But the second is not so obvious, at least, not at first.

The second reason is that sharing your perspective allows other people to have a glimpse into your world. It allows you to be known. This being known is the first step to being held accountable. If you truly want to grow in faith and community, you need other people to know who you are and to speak into your life when you need it.

This is the part that we really don't want, but at some level recognize that we need. And this is the challenge of being a part of a faith community. If we want to grow in our faith, and in turn participate in others growth, we need to be a part of the action. We need to voice our agreements and our disagreements--not with the purpose of getting our way (although that is a hard purpose to avoid) but with the purpose of being known and convicted if we are wrong.

And that means opening your life up to others.

There is always a down side, though. Not everyone takes this approach, and still fewer are able to recognize it and reciprocate when it is enacted. There are few things more disheartening than taking this step, voicing your opinion coupled with an invitation for others to speak to your position and identify sinful attitudes in your life, and have the response be exclusion and silence.

But that too shall pass. Keep at it. Keep voicing your opinion. Keep asking for input and accountability. Make it known that you truly want to grow, and to be a part of a community that is growing, too. Don't disconnect, keep connecting and engaging. Eventually there will be a response--maybe a negative one--but that will at least give you something to go on. And even then don't give up! Growth is sometimes painful, but necessary. Be ready to forgive and receive forgiveness.

And if the situation becomes evidently toxic, be ready to move on. Sometimes communities are not a fit for everyone, and there will be another community where you will fit. But don't make that move until you've tried everything to get connected and stay that way.

"An Honest Question to Difficult Answers"

Last summer, I was given the opportunity to write an article on music, worship, and anti-racism for the journal Liturgy. My task was to explore what it is to work towards racial reconciliation through church music in non-multicultural congregations. That article was published online on Tuesday and will be out in print next month! The subscriptions are pricey, as is individual article purchase, so my publisher has been gracious enough to give me a link to share that offers free access to my article! The link is below, followed by the Abstract for my article. Enjoy!

"An Honest Question to Difficult Answers: Explorations in Music, Culturalism, and Reconciliation"

The importance of worship music in conversations about congregational health and growth is contested. The perception persists that worship music style is a primary means of determining comfort or belonging for “church shoppers” at a given congregation. Yet actual research shows that it has a more modest role than is assumed.[i] Nevertheless, conversations regarding worship music abound, and with each passing publication we become more and more obsessed with finding and exploiting the correlates between worship music styles and ecclesial success.

Yet there are many styles of worship music, and the style that best expresses the prayer of one person may not best express the prayer of another. Moreover, in a society that is made up of as many and diverse cultures as North America, we begin to discern that cultural distinctiveness is embodied in the music we find pleasing—sometimes to the exclusion of those who differ from us. Yet the church is intended to be the united body of Christ (1 Cor. 12), and we must ask ourselves how we can live into this reality in the realm of music. Can we find ways of worshiping that allow for those who stand beyond our cultural heritage to join in our musical expression of prayer? And, perhaps, we in theirs?

---

[i] Gerardo Marti, Worship Across the Racial Divide (New York: Oxford, 2012), 80.

Prayers

Life has been, well, busy. And of course the first thing that takes the hit is this little blog here. But today I had to write out five rhyming prayers for a class, and I liked most of them so much that I have decided to post them here. Some are funny, some are sad. Others my seem absurd but I  still like them, and I hope you do too!

Prayer of Thanks for Food:

By Your mercies we are fed

Our meat was led by pastures green

And grass to milk for them was weaned

From soil grew the tender sprouts

Whose roots abhor the leaning droughts

Their leafy tongues licked up the rain

While sunshine then drew forth the grain

And man who from the dust You formed

Worked her way to dusk from morn

From field to truck to grocer’s shelves

As we unwitting helped ourselves

Thank you for our daily bread.

Prayer for Travel: (Lament and Protection)

Lament:

A single sorrow knows the road

Where feet and faith and tires ‘trode

A second father knows no son

And spirits meet us, everyone

Protection:

So many terrors haunt these roads

So many kick against the goads

Protect us from the weaving one

Whose ringing phone the lane’s undone

Protect us from the fate we share

With those whose tires have worn bare

Protect us from the screeching stop

When some Ferrari lost her top

Protect our hearts from rage so fierce

When some soul’s middle finger rears

Protect our rears from unawareness

When tarmac burns like fiery furnace

And may You soon reveal new means

Of getting from point A to B.

Prayer While Making Coffee:

Thank you for this bean so brown

And for the energy it brings

May its affect not be frown

For at its savor my heart sings

Thank you for the water clear

And for current to make it hot

May we be mindful of its sear

And abuse the fluid not

Thank you for the charming smell

And mugs to hold the brew

May we remember those who sell

And those whose labors grew.

Prayer While in the Shower:

So far above the dirt You formed

I wash free from all its norms

And naked from the womb I came

Now beneath this flood the same

I’ve no more disguise from You

Than if a camera caught me nude

Forgive my wayward, wandering heart

Whose quiet murmurs drift apart

From Yours and all your beckoning

And friends who’ve had their reckoning

Forgive the way I hide my eyes

And humbly hide behind my pride

Remember me, so far removed

From all that I’ve begun to do

Remind my heart whose worth it finds

In You alone and Your design

For all that I intend to do

May it first begin with You

Worship Thoughts For The First World

Worship cannot be too consonant, for then it becomes unreal. Just as in life dissonance not only exists, but illuminates the consonants, so it must be in worship. If life becomes too consonant we will manufacture a dissonance, or we will kill ourselves. This is evidenced by the fact that people in developing nations do not kill themselves. In worship, we will either become disengaged, or worship will die for us. If we continue to create an unreal experience out of worship, we will worship that which is not real, or, we will have unrealistic expectations of what life and reality should be. And when those unrealistic expectations are unmet, we will leave the family of God.

Forms and Meanings

I am writing this during a time of musical worship led by great friends of mine. That is an important caveat for what is to follow. 

I can't connect to it. Why? Am I too far gone into some long suffering plot of doubt and questions? I don't know. But here's my best attempt at understanding it.

We are singing a song that repeats the line "the Great I Am", and that is the line that gives me pause. What did God mean when He named Himself "nameless", the I Am, the Existent One. In difference to the pagan deities who claimed for themselves extravagant titles, the God of Israel declined to name Himself. Instead, He claimed that He was existence itself. Names cannot contain His being, so He declined to select one.

So then, what's wrong with an arbitrary selection of a title so that we can talk about God? Likely nothing. However, I understand it to be indicative of an absence in our worship, or perhaps a miss-direction. I think we have mistaken the Form of God's name for God's name itself. I think that God applies the meaning to a word about Himself, and when we worship the word instead of the source of the meaning that the word points to we are engaging in idolatry. 

I finally have more questions than answers. Have I confused the form that God has given me to engage Him with God Himself? Am I worshiping a word and calling it God instead of understanding that God has given no such name for Himself so that I would understand His all encompassing power and the inability of our faculties to comprehend Him? Do I exchange God for the forms and patterns of His interaction with me? Probably.

Yet there is an other side of this equation. Life is patterns of living cells. The cellular make-up of my genetic "code" do not exist as isolated individuals but a complex pattern of life that combines to make more life. And even though those cells do not disappear when I die (although they may change form), I, as an existential reality, have ceased to be because the pattern that caused me has ceased to be. By extension, is God a pattern, or a philosophical reality? Is worshipping the pattern of God really worshipping God Himself? I confess I do not know, and it is entirely likely that I never will. This is why Grace is the greatest meaning that I can think of. Though I try my best to understand, I never will. Yet this is precisely the point. I can't understand, and I will almost inevitably always be wrong, but for whatever reason God still extends His grace to me, forgiving and bearing with my foibles and failures. 

I may never be comfortable in a contemporary worship service. Grace isn't an excuse to do something that I know to be wrong. But as I have no other option at the moment, I choose community over isolation. Even though I have my reservations and doubts as to the validity of what perhaps amounts to idolatry, I will continue to live with my fellow human beings and identify with Christ's body, as flawed as it may be.